The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize