dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
