I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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