she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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