I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
