I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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