I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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