Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize