Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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