you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The air was thick with penises
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
