I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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