dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
