You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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