just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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