I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
