what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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