If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
