i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
