sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize