shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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