What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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