Well douche your snatch and let's go!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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