Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
