So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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