you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
