I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
