Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
