why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
