The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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