You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
