chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
