I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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