So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize