How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
