i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i dont even know how to be here
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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