i was born a porn star she said
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
