WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
