Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
