There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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