Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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