hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
