Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
