Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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