your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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