i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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