Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There was a lot of him and a little penis
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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