she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
this hospital has no fireball
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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