Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
