I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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