You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
