Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
