god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Everclear isn't food dammit
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