DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
