Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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