It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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