Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
