Where is the hickey?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
