If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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