So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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