why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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