after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
