Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
