Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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