so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
