Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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